“I can’t be racist because I’m colour-blind”

In a recent interview for the prestigious optical and lumber magazine ‘Eye got my I on yew’, Bristol university student Daniel Pettington dropped a bomb shell on the British public…

Amidst talking about the latest fashion of wooden lens’s, Daniel quite abruptly said “I can’t be racist because I’m colour-blind.” The interviewer scoffed, spitting green tea all over the carpet. Or was it floor? I can’t really remember to be honest. No it was carpet. Red! It was definitely red. Now if it weren’t for Daniel slagging off black people relentlessly prior to the comment, I think he may be onto something.

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Correct me if I’m wrong, but colour blindness is simply the inability to distinguish certain colours, or (rarely in humans) any colours at all. Now either Daniel is a non-human, like a fish or a big duck and can’t see colours at all, or he is a human male who can’t distinguish differing skin hues and coincidentally has no grasp on the concept of nationalities. I think we can rule out the proposition that he may be a non-human, like a mammal or a vole, as if ‘animals’ can’t see colours, they must only be able to see the lack of: black. Which, don’t correct me if I’m right, is total blindness, and Daniel looks very humanoid and not very blind to me!

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Despite Daniel’s clear aversion to those of African descent, made obvious by such comments as: “Black people have bad shoes” and “I had a black friend once. He was a dick”, his words on colour-blindness rung true with countless colour-blind members of the British populous:

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“I’d always wondered why I treated everyone equally, I thought maybe I was just a decent person, apparently not!”colour-blindness fanatic Sally from Rotherham

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“Like most colour-blind humans, I’m red-green colour-blind. This theory is probably only relevant to Daniel with his extremely rare case of cream-beige-dark brown colour-blindness, if he even has it…” big duck in disguise

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“It’s still quite easy to tell someone’s ethnicity even if you can’t see their skin colour…” – Skeptic John from Stoke on Trent

There we have it. The public have spoken. If you are racist, I suggest trying colour-blindness.

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