“I can’t be racist because I’m colour-blind”

In a recent interview for the prestigious optical and lumber magazine ‘Eye got my I on yew’, Bristol university student Daniel Pettington dropped a bomb shell on the British public…

Amidst talking about the latest fashion of wooden lens’s, Daniel quite abruptly said “I can’t be racist because I’m colour-blind.” The interviewer scoffed, spitting green tea all over the carpet. Or was it floor? I can’t really remember to be honest. No it was carpet. Red! It was definitely red. Now if it weren’t for Daniel slagging off black people relentlessly prior to the comment, I think he may be onto something.


Correct me if I’m wrong, but colour blindness is simply the inability to distinguish certain colours, or (rarely in humans) any colours at all. Now either Daniel is a non-human, like a fish or a big duck and can’t see colours at all, or he is a human male who can’t distinguish differing skin hues and coincidentally has no grasp on the concept of nationalities. I think we can rule out the proposition that he may be a non-human, like a mammal or a vole, as if ‘animals’ can’t see colours, they must only be able to see the lack of: black. Which, don’t correct me if I’m right, is total blindness, and Daniel looks very humanoid and not very blind to me!


Despite Daniel’s clear aversion to those of African descent, made obvious by such comments as: “Black people have bad shoes” and “I had a black friend once. He was a dick”, his words on colour-blindness rung true with countless colour-blind members of the British populous:


“I’d always wondered why I treated everyone equally, I thought maybe I was just a decent person, apparently not!”colour-blindness fanatic Sally from Rotherham


“Like most colour-blind humans, I’m red-green colour-blind. This theory is probably only relevant to Daniel with his extremely rare case of cream-beige-dark brown colour-blindness, if he even has it…” big duck in disguise


“It’s still quite easy to tell someone’s ethnicity even if you can’t see their skin colour…” – Skeptic John from Stoke on Trent

There we have it. The public have spoken. If you are racist, I suggest trying colour-blindness.


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