Labour demand Corbyn gets a new man date

There are forces of evil at play within the Labour party. Terrible, evil, gay forces! Despite the fact Jeremy Corbyn went on a date with a man last year, Labour have demanded that he go on a another date with another man, even though he is heterosexual. This is outrageous! Surely this is PC gone mad?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against gay people, they’re great! Hell, some of my worst friends are gay! I just don’t understand why anyone thinks you can change someone’s sexuality by forcing them on man dates, it’s so undemocratic and downright outrageous. So, after being incredibly outraged for several seconds, I wrote a Facebook status to let everyone else know my incredibly generic opinion and then asked a few of my so-called ‘friends’ what they thought about this newly enforced homosexuality:

1. PC Peter


“This is an absolute triumph. After hundreds of years of oppression, finally we’ve reached a wonderful point of sexual equality. It’s so great that Jeremy has decided to come out and of course, I will be there behind him backing him up all the way.”

2. Jeremiah Coolbean


“Yeah yeah sick man, I mean cool beans. Aha, ha! Like yeah I think most guys struggle with expressing emotions and stuff, especially when it’s embracing the gay within. Never pray the gay away Jeremy, always be true to your heart dude.”

3. Sensible Sally


“Many scientific studies have suggested that one’s sexuality seems to be influenced by a combination of both genetic and social factors during your formative period as a child. Nobody should be forced into a situation they don’t feel comfortable with, especially when it’s a private subject such as one’s love life. I think the Labour party need to reconsider their decision here. Also, I know it’s off topic but the man standing to my left from where you are looking, I believe he is called Giles, has an awful lid. And the woman standing next to him clearly didn’t understand the briefing for this photoshoot.”

4. Homophobic Hughbert


“Did you call me gay? I’m not gay I swear you liberal, lefty, communist, Stalinist, Leninist Marxist, Corbynista scumbag. Gays are wrong, obviously. Go away before you remind me how I’ve suppressed my homosexual inklings for decades and repeatedly had to come up with increasingly unlikely explanations for my ‘erectile dysfunction’ to my wife.”


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