Are you pretty well off? Are you just like every other privileged Brit there is? Thought so. We at The Tap believe that we’ll be able to find you in these 7 locations this summer.
This sunny Spanish holiday hub seems to draw the good, the bad and the wealthy from all over Britain like flies to a utopian shit.
2. The South of France
It’s a big place the south of France. Certainly big enough to cater for the millions of you swimming the channel in your Gucci budgerigar-smugglers seeking refuge from your terribly sheltered life in the land of the free and the home of the rain. Britain, Britain, Britain.
A classic beach resort I’m sure you’ll all be flocking to this August. It’ll be a blast.
4. The toilet
You’ll need it at some point and you will do anything to get there. That’s a promise.
5. Your quaint house in rural Italy
It’s daddy’s prized possession. He takes the family there every summer to just sit around and argue, with the occasional use of the mini-gym in the basement.
6. The past
The inescapable past. It follows us everywhere, never leading. The only thing that never and will never change. That is until you arrive with your travel scrabble, fake Raybands from Prague and garish new flip-flops.
7. Jeremy Corbyn’s nightmares
Not only is it the name of my indie band, it’s also where most of you will appear. Famously Mr Corbyn is afraid of the middle class, so it’d be weird if you didn’t capitalise.