6 celebrities that have promised to kill Donald Trump if he wins

Inspirations to us all? Idiots who have no understanding of the law or democracy? It all started when Bill Nye announced on Twitter last night that ‘I will personally kill Donald Trump if he wins the upcoming presidential elections’, it’s probably just hot air, and as Bill would tell us, hot air rises. Since his rather incredible claim, many other celebrities have said they would kill the Donald before Bill Nye even has the chance:

1. Bill Nighy

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“Fuck Bill Nye, I’m the only Bill Nighy that’s worth your time and he’s got less talent than Judi Dench’s lifeless corpse at the end of Skyfall. I promise, that I Bill Nighy, will kill both Bill Nye and Donald Trump.”

2. Melania Trump

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“My husband is great man, shame he hate foreigner people, which strange cause he still sex with me, even though my face rubbery like used condom. He like our daughter great deal though, and Melania sometimes jealous, which why I will suffocate him in sleep with pillow.”

3. Taylor Lautner

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“I could be Mexican. I could be Muslim. I could be Hispanic. You don’t know my story.”

4. Old McDonald

farmer

“10 years ago, if someone said Donald then people would burst into song. Wondrous voices would erupt in a chorus singing their praises to me and my trusty animals. Nowadays, everyone sings about Donald Trump instead, so I’m going to give him a piece of my mind and drive my pitchfork through his ribcage.”

5. Bernie Sanders

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“My hair and teeth are as white as Donald Trump’s fan club and injustice is unjust. Socialism ain’t bad! New politics! Viva La Vida! I could die any minute I’m so old! Make Me Presidente!”

6. Donald Trump

Donald Trump

“A lot of people are saying nasty things about me. Nasty, nasty things. I know, oh I know it can be hard to deal with it sometimes so, I’ll tell you, yes I’ll tell you, what I do when I hear the things they say. You know I make myself a little sandwich, just a tiny bit of butter and cyanide on both slices, not too much, pull the pin out of a grenade, put it in the sandwich so that the butter holds it in place, munch it down real quick, and then sit back and enjoy blowing myself up. Later it will transpire I am actually Muslim and then they will have to build my wall! Donald knows how to get what he wants.”

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