We’ve all been there. We start ambitiously pouring the waning semi-skimmed or the severly depleted full-fat milk onto our cereal, learning all too late that there isn’t enough to make a full bowl. We are then forced to branch out into the tasteless realm of skimmed shit, or milk in most cases.
If only it were this situation for poor little 8 year old Willy Willington Dixon. Willy’s mother: Dicky Cockington Dixon, one morning thought it a good idea to fill Willy’s cereal bowl with The Tap’s own-brand ‘Cocoa Cops‘ and some skimmed milk due to them running out of semi-skimmed the morning before. He skipped down the stairs like all closet 8 year olds do, oblivious to his mother’s crude, deceitful antics. He sat at the table, his Cocoa Cops eagerly awaiting him. He took one mouthful. A mouthful that would change his life forever.
Poor Willy wasn’t prepared for the devil’s tasteless, white discharge that is skimmed milk. He hit the floor faster than Dicky could call her husband, Noblin Whonamed-thisfamily Dixon, into the kitchen. They called the ambulance, but it was too late. The combination of surprise and the sheer vile nature of skimmed milk was too much.
The ambulance arrived, Dicky and Noblin sobbing uncontrollably. The personal on board demanded incessantly what had happened and what had caused Willy’s situation. To which Dicky whimpered “I don’t know, it must have been the skimmed milk I gave him.” To which, quite rightly, the paramedics shook their heads, promptly packed up their gear and left.