In a wildly astonishing yet ultimately predictable turn of events, Mo Farah has been caught up in a Quorn Doping Scandal after his recent victories at the London Anniversary Games. Reports say that he is the ringleader of a Quorn drugs ring that has supplied illegal supplements to athletes at every level of sport, and that consumption of the drug is so widespread that it is even the main drug consumed by Putin’s Russian Roiders.
Investigations into Mr Farah began after he ran the 10,000m race at the London Anniversary games in the incredible time of 4:20, blazing ahead of every one and leaving all the white men miles behind. Questions were also raised over Mr Farah’s urine, which seemed to have several people’s blood in it, including that of Graham Norton! Crazy huh?
“Hmm I don’t really understand hmm what the big deal hmm is about, I’ve hmm always been very hmm open about hmm how much Quorn hmm I consume and it’s never been hmm a hmm big hmm deal before. Quorn is good for hmm me. Hmm hmm hmm.”
Mo then turned to directly the face the camera before continuing in his really fucking odd voice: “Regular exercise is important for everyone, but so is eating right. Quorn mince is not just a healthy source of protein, it also makes delicious chilli. You won’t catch me running round the tennis court, but my serves are unbeatable thanks to Quorn. Game, set and match to Quorn.”
Mo didn’t seem to understand that when you are accused of doing something illegal you are supposed to deny it, otherwise you go to jail. I guess this is just the kind of awful thing one expects of incredibly talented Muslim immigrants.