Theresa May Delaying Brexit Until Everyone Forgets About It

Brexit sent an astonishing message to many in the UK, no-one really knows what the message was, but it’s something to do with the establishment, immigrants, lawmaking and Jeremy Corbyn. However, since the actual vote, nothing at all seems to have changed. Theresa May, our ever wonderful and pretty damn sexy Prime Minister, has seemingly taken no steps towards Brexit happening, and we at The Tap have a sneaking suspicion she’s just waiting until the whole thing blows over and everyone drinks enough to forget about it.

For some, this is reassuring news, for others perhaps some kind of economy recovering nightmare, but for me it’s a desperate attempt to find something to write about. And I’ve duly done that, and come up with several ways you can forget that Brexit ever happened:

1. Chant and Mindfullness


‘Theresa is clever, Theresa is smart, Theresa is leader of the big blue farts.’ Supposedly chant, meditation and mindfullness are supposed to clear your mind, so why not sit on your kitchen table butt-naked and give your kids the shock of a lifetime.

2. Suicide


This one is a classic. It won’t help you forget about Brexit, but it will help you with being forgotten yourself. However, please remember that you shouldn’t shoot through the side of the head like this idiot because that can leave you in a vegetative state, making you an even bigger burden to your family.

3. Rub Olive Oil Into Your Skin And Become Greek

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Oily skin, greasy hair and the pungent smell of olives. That’s the kind of thing Hollywood demand of women nowadays and we at The Tap think it’s great! If you use this method, you could move to Grease and not just forget about Brexit, but totally forget who you are and become a red wine drinking Greek legend!

4. Join Nigel Farage’s Pottery Class And Break All His Pottery


You seek revenge like a half-decent protagonist. Go for it. He’ll be really upset and cry, probably because since retiring pottery has become his life.

So there we have it, The Tap’s 4 ways you can help Theresa with her dastardly plan to save Britain from many years of economic depression and a lifetime of sorrow.


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