At the end of a hard day of napping, no student wants to cook something complex like sailor’s ashes soufflé. Many are inspired by the easy recipes of our European cousins in Italy, who invented a green paste called pesto. Many have claimed pesto a miracle and/or a saviour, and for Johnty Joggernoggin of Nottingham Trent University that’s exactly what it’s been these last few years.
1. When did you discover pesto pasta?
Johnty in September 2013
‘Well well well, it all started when I was a wee fresher ya know. I used to look like anyone else, perhaps a little on the large side, my skin as slippery as the edge of a swimming pool. But one day this old, hooded man handed me a jar of strange green herbs just outside halls, and he told me that it would change my life. So I went straight home and put it on some pasta like he’d suggested, and I’ve never looked back.’
2. But you’ve turned green?
Johnty in July 2016
‘God I know just look at me. Eating pesto pasta four times a day, every day, really, really affects your health. I’ve gained weight, I’ve lost fingers, my skin pigment has been turned green by the chlorophyll in the basil. Mind you, the Mohican is a personal choice, helps me net in the club aha.’
3. Is there anyone else out there like you?
‘Yes and no. There’s no-one who has turned green, but this slave trader called Willy Wonka force fed ten tiny men with dwarfism baked beans for 16 years whilst they were locked in the basement of his factory and now they look very queer indeed.’
4. Will you ever confront your addiction and give up pesto?
‘Diddly! Are you kidding bro? I still love the stuff, especially when it gets stuck in my teeth so I can wake up in the middle of the night and enjoy it that little bit more.’
Thanks for reading. If you know of anyone with a similar condition to Johnty, please contact us by commenting below.