With an ever growing number of terror attacks carried out by the terror group known as ISIS, many governments are continually searching for a way to stop the unstoppable waves of terror. Knowing how to deal with ISIS can be difficult, and since bombing the absolute fuck out of them doesn’t seem to have done much good, we at The Tap decided to come up with several solutions to put a end to all this nonsense.
1. Call them WASWAS instead so they cease to exist
So so easy, just like Lionel Richie on a Sunday morning. If ISIS can only exist in the past, then it’s impossible for them to exist in the present, which is why the future is a gift voucher.
2. Give your Facebook profile picture a strange filter
Facebook have really outdone themselves here. If you’re really serious about stopping terrorism, be the change you wish to see in the world and colour your face in with blue, white and red biro pens.
3. Politely ask them to stop, making sure you say both please and thank you
‘And hello there to you ISIS buddy, any chance PLEASE you could cut all this out? THANKS.’ Sorted.
4. Get your mate’s parents to tell them off
Jim and Linda are absolutely terrifying. One word from either of them and today’s terrorists would be come tomorrow’s heroes!
5. Give them a sense of self assurance and the shred of confidence that would allow them to find a more meaningful purpose in life
We all know people join ISIS because they have low self esteem, penis envy or were bullied by Big Mike whilst at school. If we teach them to kiss their own scars, we can stop the metaphorical wounds reopening. Alternatively, we could just kill Big Mike.
So there we have it. We hope Boris Johnson reads this because he could really use some help in his new Cabinet position.