5 ways to make the flatmate that doesn’t wash the dishes ‘disappear’

So you’ve moved into your new halls at University with 6-10 strangers, and deep down you know that statistically one of them is going to be an absolute dickhead. You’ve been warned by your forefathers that something terrible is going to happen, but you didn’t know it would be on Day 2 of living together. What happened you ask? Well I’ll tell you, Josephine Hufflegrumble has decided that it’s ‘okay’ for him to leave his washing up by the side of the sink overnight, despite the fact he’s cooked fish and it already smells like a tuna has rubbed its faeces over all the kitchen surfaces. So the inevitable question begs, how do you make Josephine ‘disappear’?

1. Cover him in toilet paper


Absurdly gratifying. Now that you can’t see Josephine’s frustratingly generic face you feel much calmer. Thankfully Josephine can also do all his washing up by rubbing his body all over the dirty pots and pans!

2. Liquify his body with Hydrofluoric acid


You’ve taken inspiration from the many bald men in Breaking Bad and decided to get rid of Josephine the old fashioned way. Your flat supervisor will probably issue you a ‘warning’ for inappropriate behaviour, but it’ll be worth it because Josephine will be dead.

3. Drop out of University and work in Greggs


Maybe you’ve thought about this the wrong way around? Instead of making Josephine disappear, why don’t you disappear instead? Plus, staff satisfaction in Greggs is at an all time high, despite the lack of an apostrophe in the shop’s name that annoys employees every single minute of every waking hour.

4. Buy him plane tickets to Bosnia


I don’t think this photo is actually of Bosnia but you get the point.

5. Get your head in your books and stop worrying


When you’re studying the rest of the world stands still. Learn about the world and the world disappears. Embrace knowledge and forget about your fears. The more you know the less you feel. The less you know the more you steal?

Got a bit carried away towards the end there didn’t you? Hope this helps you get rid of that dirty bastard Josephine.


One thought on “5 ways to make the flatmate that doesn’t wash the dishes ‘disappear’

  1. Awesome post, albeit in a disturbing way. Boiling someone in acid for being a slob, I get it but maybe a little severe. And I woudl have sent them to Aleppo instead of Bosnia. I do hate slobs and have fantasized about having a roommate disappeared. Keep the funny posts coming.

    Liked by 1 person

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