Man has actually been dumped for being ‘too nice’

We’ve all been told that age-old excuse ‘we should break up because you’re just far too nice’. But in a shock turn of events, one poor man named Jamés Costcobalizar, has actually been dumped for being too nice. Rumour has it his girlfriend hated the fact he donated all their belongings to charity shops, spent all their income on supporting food banks, and finally that he volunteered at the Children’s hospital all day every day! Poor Jamés, she should have known you were a keeper! Anyhow, we at The Tap have explored what the excuse of being ‘too nice’ is normally code for:

1. You’re way too ‘friendly’ with your mum

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Don’t go there. It’s a really big turn off to anyone, including your dad. You might think it makes you look like a nice guy, but trust me, it doesn’t.

2. She’s moving in with the man you employed to be Santa last year

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Difficult to avoid this one. He’s muscular, he’s red, he brings tidings of joy… Who could resist?

3. Your ironic Weatherspoons breakfasts are far too frequent

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Saying you’re ironically going to Weatherspoons when in fact you can’t afford anything else is weak, and pain is just weakness leaving the body. Move on, man up, cry a little bit if you need to, but never have another brekkie there again.

4. You cheated on her

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This was irresponsible, just like that time you put your child on a rollercoaster without the seatbelt on. Don’t cheat, it’s for losers that never win anything else.

5. Your heroin addiction is a little annoying

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You really ought to go to rehab. It’ll probably be very meditative and you never know… You might find your next partner there!

We hope we have shed some light on this topic. Don’t be like Jamés. Be more dog.

 

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