Depressed woman who was told to ‘cheer up’ now loving life

Life can grind you down, whether it’s exam stress, the fact your children are below average intelligence-wise, or that you can’t afford the bare necessities, everyone knows that sunken feeling of dread. What can be even more difficult is trying to help someone in these positions, so we at The Tap have come up several easy ways you can help them out:

1. Tell them to ‘cheer up’

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Linda’s husband had literally just died, when her best friend Josie managed to resolve the whole issue by just telling her to ‘cheer up’. It’s amazing what two little words can do!

2. Say nothing and just stare

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They’ll see whatever they want to see, and hey, you might even end up getting lucky if they’re into sympathy sex.

3. Kill them, you’ll just be helping them avoid years of psychological trauma

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Perhaps a little extreme, but think of how much money they’ll have to spend on a counsellor otherwise. It’ll be easier this way.

4. Put your arm round them and say you’re sorry, even though you’re not

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Is anyone really sorry for what happened? I know I’m not. You’re an immoral person, a crap friend, and frankly I only every introduced myself to you because I heard you bought people free Jagerbombs, which you don’t.

5. Buy them a Sainsbury’s Meal Deal

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This will make them fall in love. I’m personally more of a fan of the salad bar in Morrisons but if you’re playing it safe, this is the way to go.

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