Up was a childhood classic for so many, but the time has come to absolutely ruin it for you. Maybe you thought it was a nice film, a good story, alas no! It was terrible from start to middle to end and The Mighty Tap shall now tell you why:
1. The old man actually poisoned his wife to go on an illustrious holiday in South America
Never trust a man that keeps his eyes open. Little does his poor frail wife know that in her steamy cup of tea is a shot of polonium, cyanide, rosemary and vodka! She didn’t stand a chance.
2. The husband kidnapped a small boy which was very irresponsible!
He literally tied the boy to his house! Unimaginable! Unsurprisingly the boy got Stockholm Syndrome and grew to love the old man. Trust me, you don’t want to watch ‘Up 2 – The Erection Selection’, it’s a very different film indeed.
3. The dog was a slave to a cruel master
That poor, poor dog. Little did he know that in the next scene he would be sent into the enemy base as a suicidal sacrifice to wipe them out. You thought the collar was just a translation device? You naive child.
4. The theme tune was the best thing about the whole film anyway
You probably didn’t know that this man here, Michael Giacchino, wrote the fabulous music in Up despite looking like a total wanker. If you wish to relive the sweet melody, I have kindly provided the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
5. Balloons can’t lift houses
You are such a child. Grow up.